I am so mad at my parents right now, and a little bit at myself.

For those who don't know her, which should be most of you, Jorden is probably my best friend. She's the person I can tell anything to, and we share practically everything with each other. She had her birthday party tonight, and I was pretty excited to go, and she really wanted to come.

But I asked my parents this morning and they said no. Me and her were crushed. Why do my parents have to be so nazi-like, controlling power freaks?! Like, holy shit, let me get out of this sheltered Christian lifestyle and let me meet someone new for once. Like... honestly. I'm so frustrated, and I don't know what to do about it, because if I try and do anything, I get punished, making it even harder to meet the people I want to. How do I get out of this life??...

Jorden, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry I couldn't come, and I'm sorry I broke my promise... I shouldn't have promised something that was out of my control. I'll make it up to you, I promise, I really do.

Hey everybody.

Last night, for anyone reading this who didn't go to my school dance... there was a school dance. I went, as usual, and so did "she". Being the complete wuss I am, I didn't ask her to dance the first slow dance. However... when the second dance came on, I asked her if she wanted to dance, and she said no, she had to go outside. One of our friends was crying about something, so that was an allright reason. So I went and got a drink.

When I got back in, I saw her dancing with another guy. It basically felt like she kicked me in the nuts. I was, obviously, kinda pissed off. I talked to one of her friends, who is one of my best friends, and she told me that she was, I guess, too lazy to come get me. Sure.

Final dance, I ask her to dance with me and we dance. I asked her whether she had figured out who she liked yet, she nodded, then said, "I think it's better if we just stayed friends." And so, that was it.

 

So, heartbroken? Eh. Heart-dissappointed? Heck yes. But you know, I gave it a shot, and I didn't lose anything except a bit of my pride, and I'm fine with just being friends.

No regrets.

 

Later.

So, last weekend I had YC. For those who've never been there, it's a huge Christian youth convention in Edmonton over the whole weekend. It was awesome, but up to Saturday night, it had been pretty normal, almost boring. But on Saturday night, after the message, Tree63 played a song that touched my heart and brought me so close to God for the rest of the night. That song was Amazing Love. Those 6 lines... "Amazing love, how can it be? That you my king would die for me, Amazing love, I know it's true, it's my JOY to honour you...", they spoke so powerfully to me...

After that, a man named Chris Tomlin took the stage. He brought over 16,000 people to their feet with the most amazing worship I've ever experienced. God was calling on those thousands of people that night, and everyone could feel it...

really, there's no way to express how powerfully I was touched that night.

 

Okay, other than that, the night before YC (thursday), my dad had the biggest spaz I've ever seen him have, at me and my brother. And I bet you can't guess what it was over. Not over drugs, or drinking (not that I've done any of that), or anything else like that... it was over us not wanting to mow the lawn. He was angrier than I've ever seen him, screaming at us, swearing... it was scary. That night, in that minute where he unloaded on us his anger over, what I think, his favorite hockey team losing (Oilers), he lost any respect and love he had ever gotten from me. I am so unbelievably pissed at him, I don't know what to do about it. And problem is... there is nothing I can do about it. I guess... I've just got to tough it out for another 2 years... a lovely thought. Basically... I can't wait to get out of this frickin house.

 

Oh yeah, and since so many have asked... yes, I still do like that girl, very much.

 

Later.

Okay, so. I'm about to dump 3 difficult weeks of complicated emotions running through my head onto you, whoever's reading this, so, prepare yourself. If there's something you don't want on here, talk to me, but right now, this is uncut stuff running through my head. First off, I don't really care if this changes how you think of me, I just really felt I needed to dump this somewhere. If you don't want to read it, click that little "x" in the corner of your window.

 

Okay, almost 3 weeks ago I had to let go of the first person I've ever really loved. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life, and I'm sorry I did it, but I had to... and that's it. Less than a week later, I find out she's already gotten together with another guy... that hurt like simulated death, but... I held it in, and I told her I never even knew it. I need to grow a frickin spine. Anyways, they break up like a week later, and I go on West Coast Trail... but the day before I left, I asked a girl I've cared about for a pretty long time to go out with me. This girl really doesn't know how special she is, and I really like her, and... I'm guessing most of you know how this turned out. In case you don't, she said "maybe" and from there, I couldn't get her out of my freaking head on the Trail, and then I got back and found out, then I talked to her. It hurt, a lot, but I guess I had a little warning so I suppose it could've hurt more. The Trail was beautiful, but that's another entry altogether.

So, getting back to the daily grind, I still can't get that girl out of my head and on top of that, I've got a big workload of homework that my parents are pressuring about. Parents. They're really starting to piss me off. By the time I graduate, if my parents have their way, I'll be constantly inside the house, studying, without a single friend, let alone a girlfriend. They're restricting every single facet of my life: school, spare time, they took away my computer, they're threatening to take away my bike and not let me get my licence, not letting me see girls outside of school... it's just starting to get freaking rediculous. I'm pissed, particularily at my dad, but again, I'm holding it in, because if I don't, it's just going to get worse. They're even considering not letting me go to YC. It's just starting to get into a shitty situation with them.

Oh yeah, speaking of holding it in, do you know who could use some lessons? Casey. Holy frick, man. You need to learn when to shut up. Lloyd's class is getting frickin rediculous thanks to you, because you won't stop antagonizing him. Get over your pride and shut up once in a while. It's not helping.

So, emotions dumped. Thanks for reading, if you've read so far. This is basically going to become the channel for me to express my teenage angst, so... get used to it, I guess. It's not really a side I let out very often.

Hey everybody!

Just got my new computer, which is FREAKING HUGE and totally ripping. I'm stoked :>:>:>

I'm about to go to the mall with another girl, so I'm crazy nervous.

Andrew just got the coolest helmetcam setup going on, which we tore around with yesterday.

High school's going good, getting pretty good marks and all... lots of homework. Yeah.

 

Um...

 

See ya later!